So You Think You're Ready For Kids?
Leave a half chewed chicken nugget covered in milk under the seat in your car with the windows up in 100 degree weather for 3 days. Open door and smell. Can ya dig? Kids can make this happen for you. The first time you will think something actually got into your car and died. It didn't though. Nope just a nugget-n-stuff.
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Go to your nearest farm. Ask to borrow a goat, a chicken, and honeybees. Take them all grocery shopping with you. If you can make it out without all of the food in your cart eaten (goat), your feathers ruffled (chicken), or covered in stings (honeybees can actually be your children hitting you because you won't get them what they want or people being rude to you because your kids are insane) then maybe you're ready.
Restaurants HAHAHA!!! If you enjoy eating at nice places on a regular basis and want to be able to take your children when you have them, just remember. DONT take your children unless you can get through a night of fine dining with a spider monkey, a magician, and a person with severe Tourettes Syndrome. Why??? You ask. Oh well because there will be food thrown about, multiple disappearing acts (under the table), and plenty of unusual outbursts such as the one my middle son shared tonight. This was not a soft spoken thing by any meansOld people DIE.THEY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!! Yeah. Mind you we are surrounded by the Senior Citizens Club of America.
Borrow someone elses kid. Preferably a 3 year old boy. They are the best! Give him crayons, play dough, a ball, and blocks. I betchad never guess what a kid can do with that stuff. Like MacGyver I tell ya. That kid makes a bomb as soon as you go to the potty. You come out and there are blocks covered in play dough all over your ENTIRE house. The ball has been thrown one time and managed to break every single one of your Sand Critters Collectables. And the crayons.well after he drew all over your freshly painted walls he decided it was best to eat a bit of a few of them, spit some out on your new white carpet then lay them on top of your heating vent to melt. Happy Day to you!
Kids are wonderful, they are beautiful, they will make you smile, they will make your heart melt and they will make your hair fall out in clumps. You will love them like you have never loved before and there is really nothing that can prepare you for them. So go on now and pop out a few. Thats what I did and it's pretty amazing.
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Posted in Home Improvement Post Date 01/15/2024
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